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Contentment

I haven’t wrote since my miscarriage. Honestly I stopped anything that I was doing to advance myself mentally, physically and emotionally because I was numb. Anxiety sets in and derails me from my supplements that I know work for me.

I convinced myself it was what caused the miscarriage and irregular periods. However I know what the root cause of my problems are. They always have been my anxiety. But they don’t always have to be.

I’m not comfortable living a “victim” mindset. Not that things haven’t been tough for me but because I have tons to be grateful for and I know it could always be worse.

You see chronic stress rather it’s brought on by life or stress we manifest ourselves will make you physically ill.

It’s a viscous cycle. Your anxiety makes you worry about everything on God’s green earth and then it creates high levels of stress. The saying “what goes up, must come down” obviously was never referring to an anxious mind. And your body believes what your mind tells it to.

If you don’t come down your body becomes toxic.

I’ve purposefully started to find ways to decompress. I’m needing to find myself. Not just the wife of my wonderful husband whom I thank God for sparing his life. Not just the mother to the most awesome baby girl ever.

I’m looking for the woman God wants me to be. To be healthy not just fit. To embrace aging and these scars with open arms as they are my war wounds and wisdom streaks. To be content in every season of my life as it is part of what’s made me the woman I am today.

That through my struggles maybe I can help someone else along the way.

Because at the end of the day. When my heart aches because I cannot change my husbands prognosiss. When the mom guilt takes over because I snapped too much at my strong willed daughter. Or maybe I’m down on myself because I’ve drank a little too much wine this month. Or I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize the woman I’m looking at.

That the only thing in this whole wide world that I have control over is my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. And I can be content knowing. It is well with my soul.

💜 Pam

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