Let's turn this struggle bus around...

Some days I get overwhelmed with the things motherhood brings. Especially since this little 2 ½ year old is coming into her own. We are in the “I do it myself” stage and starting the attitude that she knows more than me. (Which she probably does) :)  I know the mother/daughter duo of this never really changes but hear me out. Although she will learn to respect her parents I also don’t want to tame this characteristic she’s acquired because I know that she will use these leadership skills one day for great things. I see how she is a quick learner and a problem solver like her daddy. She is a leader, and is very creative. So although it wears me out most days I will change my parenting angle to help her see how to use these traits in a positive way. To help her learn the healthy balance of it. Often times we forget how much their reactions are a reflection of how we act. Do we yell when things don’t go our way? Do we get frustrated when we can’t do things? Are we...

I can feel you breathing down my neck. I can hear the lies you tell. It’s like a weight that cripples me and makes it feel like hell.  I know you’re fighting hard, but you’re fighting against a battle I know too well.  You see I’m no stranger to this prison wall. Where you tell me I’m not worthy of greatness and I’m going to fall.  But do you not know who my creator is? Who gave it all? Who hears me weap and saved us all?  He picks up my ashes and breathes life into this tired and weary soul. He’s made me strong and courageous and with a heart of gold.  Lord please drown out the voices that tell me I’m no good. Heal these wounds with your loving blood!  I refuse to go out like this. I was created for more. To walk the path of righteousness and tell the world.  Jesus, lover of my soul. Please don’t ever let me go. I know you’ve won this battle and are sitting on the throne! 

My husband and I tried for a year to have a second child. 7 months after my daughter was born I experienced postpartum anxiety and depression. I stopped breastfeeding and started taking Zoloft. Taking an antidepressant was hard for me because I swore after I stopped taking clonazapm I’d never alter my mind and body again. But I had to, for her. To be mentally and physically present for my daughter. She needed the best part of me. Not the anxious/depressed momma. Or the tired momma, or the scared momma. She didn’t care if I breast fed until she weaned herself. She needed me! The best of me. The Zoloft made me start gaining weight and having irregular periods which is partly why it’s taken a year to conceive. After a long wait on May 4th I got three positive hpt! We were thrilled! We took a picture of our 2 year old with a shirt that said “I’m going to be a big sister!” Announced to our immediate family and scheduled the first prenatal appointment. I was in shock still so may 6th I t...

I should probably give you some background on who I am and where I have come from. When I was 9 I started passing out. They ran test and finally determined I had bradycardia (slow heart arrhythmia).  They put a pacemaker in and it changed my life forever, my health is probably one of the main source of my anxiety and I never learned to cope with it until 4 years ago when I needed to rise above it. I am married to the most amazing husband. We have had struggles as we've grown up together. Trying to take on life. We've had multiple people live with us and we lived together a few years before getting married. there was never really a honeymoon stage. But through the hurdles of it all overcame those. In 2012 my husband had a dirt bike wreck and broke his collarbone. In 2013 I had a pacemaker replacement and while they were in there threading the lead in my artery punctured my lung and I got pneumothorax and a blood clot in my arm. Talk about my anxiety going through the...

This weekend I was looking at myself in the mirror in front of my daughter and I caught myself saying "I look fat, I should tone my tummy" then I hear my daughter (2 1/2) say "yeah, mom". Then I stopped myself dead in my tracks... Although taking care of yourself is important and its great to teach your kids to tighten and tone to maintain good posture and a healthy lifestyle so is the healthy balance of it. I want my daughter to grow up loving who she is regardless of where she is in that journey. If I didn't go through the 4th degree tear, post-partum depression/anxiety, flabby tummy, and hormonal changes - it would mean I wouldn't have had her! Trust the process, embrace those stretch marks, the wrinkles, the hormones, the challenges because it means you were brave enough to harvest life. You could be anything in this world, but you are the one your angels need. I hate how social media/we compare ourselves to others. Don't you know that thos...

It’s 2:34 am and I’m wide awake. I get waves of insomnia and I always wondered why? It usually comes right before a period. 🙄 or after I take my Zoloft. I’m about to go take me a Plexus Probio and that’ll help kick it. I usually get the best sleep when I do. I always use this time to clean, paint my fingernails, or read my devotional. Since I’m awake I figured I’d blog to see what you all do when you’re up in the wee hours of the night?

Mental Health Awareness Mental health doesn't need an invitation to wreak havoc on your mind, body and soul. It comes without warning. You could be perfectly fine and then you just feel unwell or uneasy. Your body starts tensing up and you feel like you're drowning. I have tried to hide from my anxiety for years because people treat you differently. They don't understand that it is not who you choose to be but it chooses you. Do you have that friend who always says they will, but they don't? It is not because they don't want to attend or they don't want to excel. It is because they are physically and mentally tired. Why does society shun the weak and feeble? Do they not know that sometimes mental illness comes from tragedy? Or maybe it is society that created it? Some people haven't been given the ability to cope with their illness. Or maybe you are strong and famous but you suffer depression? Every time you make someone feel bad for mental illn...

You're in the fight of your life, and its in heavenly places.. Whatever walk of life you're in you are grouped in three categories in life. You have gone through something hard. You are going through something hard currently. You will go through something hard in the future. This illusion that we will not go through trials in our life because of (insert your idea) is misleading to the true interpretation to life here on earth. Because since sin entered this world we have been battling a war between good and bad. That is why the hardest battles you will probably go through will be mental warfare not physical. Although physical pain is never the less hard and debilitating so is our mental wars.   I am a religious person, you may not be. That is your journey. So for me I like to look at the mental battles in a sense of holy ground.   The devil will always try to derail you. And he comes through our thoughts and interpretations of ourselves. "I am not good enough...